Tank Girl

How many points does a P plater have?
It seems I've been cought speeding although I didn't realise.
On that note Im not just saying it to make me look like Im not at fault.

I told the Police lady I didn't realise but am taking full responsibility.
Now that was a $234 fine.

I found a new fine in the car today which was for my dad, yet realised I drove the car that time so it is $134.

Its so upsetting cos the money I had saved up for a car is all going on these stupid fines. Also this morning mum tells me we have no money to buy food and I am the only one with money so I'll have to use it on us. Which I dont mind doing at all, I just wish I had a way to get money to get the car and feed us with.

What is a quick way to get cash? I was trying to find things to sell on ebay but I've noticed none of them are worth much and it'll probably cost more to mail than what I'll get out of it.

Help? Anyone?

Yesterday started out swell, I had band practise which was mega swell.
After a long 6 hours (well, 4 hours for me) with the boys we went to have dumplings and discussed more ban stuff.
Oh how I love that we FINALLY got our little band together!

Last week I had organised to go out with Tash as we dont get to see each other much, so we met on Swanston St and made our way to the Arthouse for the ROCKnROLL FREAKSHOW. It was the opening band's first gig and they were amazing! We couldn't help but dance along to the music. When the secod band came along we went up to the smokers area and she found out he friends Jodie and someone else where coming to the city so she asked if they coul pick us up an oganised to get some drugs for them etc.
"Well make sure they dont come too early I wanna see the bands" They showed up at 10pm! I ha only seen one band and I was furious!
"Cant they come in to see the bands?"
"They say they aren't dressed up for it, plus they wouldn't like the music, I feel obligated to go cos they came to pick us up! I didt think they' come so early"
"Dude, I organised this night for us cos I rarely get to see you and now you want to go with them so you can get high? You see them every day and ow Jodie is getting 'upset' at you cos you want to stay a bit loger? What a great friend she is! If you want to go and get high, go but Im staying I'll find a way to get home"
Then she goes on about my safety this and that, that we could go and hang with these people I feel uncomfotable with that I dont have to do drugs she'll get me alcohol. She just didn't get it. Then she realised how bad she fucked up the night. I told her I'd go with her but as soon as we got to their destination I was catching a cab home.

I spent ove a hour listenig to CRAP TECHNO DANCE SHIT! Oh God, I am so God damn disappointed at the fact that she was contemplating ditching me to go and get high.

I just think how she only cares about getting high/wasted/laid and Im ot into that. I've matured so much those things dont interest me and quite frankly, they never have. I think at how if it was't for the fact that I've known her since she was 12, that we wet to church together I wouldn't eve waste my time talkig to her because I am at a much higher wavelength!

UGH thinking about it makes me so damn angry!!

On a positive note, spending time with Alice today was really nice. I love spending every Sunday with her. Its a nice routine that doesn't get boring. dumplings first, then we take funny/cute picture at the Photoplus shop with all the photo booths then we go for coffee. We found this nice organic coffee shop at the end of Degreaves Lane that isn't as crowded as the other coffee shops and thats were we do most of our talking. Specially about Paris. If Alice ends up moving there I'll be visiting when I do a "Eurotrip"
I've even been contemplating moving there which is a MASSIVE step. I think all he talking about it is rubbing on me.

From now on will be amazing.
No more staying home alone watching anime like a loser (although anime is AMAZING!)

Sundays will now be spent eating dumplings with Alice followed by photos at the funky photobooths from photoplus.

Today was mega. We found $2 panties at Dangerfield, found "buy me a beer" badges for $1, got awesome gloves for $4 and a grandpa hat for $2.

Best.

Mega awesome coffee and dumplings with Alice today.
She got me pirate chocolate (with an eye patch and all!) from Germany and postcards and eiffel tower earrings from France! Oh and lovely smelling soap and this skin stuff!
I <3 you Alice!

What a week!
Tuesday I picked up my cyber-penpal over a year from the airport.
As soon as I saw him I saluted him, then I find out you dont salute sergeants you salute officers.
As we drove down to have dumplings I got lost, rove up and down the West Gate bridge and got laughed at. I felt like the worst diver ever!

Once home he lurked my computer and decided to copy 95% of all my music, movies, pictures and anime so he had to buy an external hard drive because just my anime is about 170GB lol had a few beers and caught up.

Wednesday I took him to DFO (he needed a "sweatshirt") then to the Aquarium. Oh gosh the penguins are sososososososo cute!!!! We had a great time and I got some great pictures.
And we also went to the Eureka tower for a 360 view of the city. Watched Igor.

Thursday he finally game me the presents he got me from Iraq: a gorgeous rug an a jewellery box made of ine wood and mother pearl. He got my mum a gorgeous green head wrap and gave my little brothers collectable Iraqui coins an bills (which are still current)
I took him shopping at Fountain Gate and we saw Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs in 3D! Sosososoososososososo good!!!!
We then went home and watched Shortbus. Wow. Real sex with a story line. As weird as it was it was actually really good.

Friday we went to see Dali. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. Started to talk about marr Then we went to the casino to eat and then he blew $70 in less than half an hour haha. Caught the train home and had dinner with my family. He told us the funniest jokes. Damn Americans an their racism! (Bon not included) lol Mum started to get excited about the marriage thing until he said I woul have to move to the States. "There is no way you are gonna keep my grandchildren so far away from me. You are not to be married!" LOL

Dropped him off at the airport today. As soon as he got in the car my brother told my mum how empty the house felt. I agree. I already miss him.
All of yesterday and today he asked me what I was thinking of when I had a smile on my face. I wasn't going to tell him. But I did say it could be amazing. But wasn't going to happen. Plus if I did tell him he'd curse the skies and the earth and the seas and the winds.
Finally once he was about to get on the plane and had begged and begged I told him. "Oh I just wanted to get into your pants" *destroys coffee cup in his hand and starts cursing the skies and the earth and the seas and the winds* HAHAAA cute.
He nearly died. I told him I refuse to do anything without a ring on my finger. Yes call me old fashioned but Im done with the meaningless sex.
He then told me he was gonna "ravish" me when I went to visit him in Germany next year.
Poor Sergeant Miracle. Strong army macho man with his machine gun was completely shattered.

He is such a lovely guy. My family loved him. He was polite "yes ma'am, no ma'am, thank you sir..." and where ever we went he paid for everything!
I hope he had a good time.

To want to have a dad?

I mean..I have a father, but he is not my dad.

Every Sunday, he comes to get my family and doesn't com in purely cos "he doesn't want to see" my face.

And I dont know whether I want to see his ether, but spending every Sunday completely alone, whil the rest of my family is out having a fun FAMILY DAY..

I wish... I wish my father loved me.

Start TAFE Monday 20th of July at 9am and I couldn't be happier.
Here I thought I would loose my chance because of stupid little fights and arguments with the mother but all has turned out well.

Now I have another 4-6 weeks of recovery to go. At least I can move around without mum pushing me around on a wheelchair (she didn't want to stress out the stitches so I wouldn't bleed out to death) but I do get tire really easily.

Things are gone my way, I have waited all my life to have this operation and I get to study.

Yay!

3 pizzas and 4 kids.
Well..one kid 3 teenagers.

Did my mum's hair for a wedding today, I've been practising victory rolls.
Not so victorious when I master one and she tells me she likes it but doesn't want it like this or like that.

Watching Grey's Anatomy. Funny how much I love that show and do not care that people think Im a loser for watching it. Well excuse me if I have a cry when one of the main character's love interest dies.

But I woulnd't be watching it if it wasn't for Seth who bought 4 seasons of it from the "Haji" shop an mailed it from Iraq.

Sergeant Seth Miracle at that.
He's a guy I started talking to a long time ago (I cant remember since when) and we've turned into quite the cyber-pen-pals. I expect a message each day and get upset when I haven't received one.
He's been with the US Army for almost 11 months and is coming to Australia as a holiday. So he'll be staying with us for a weekend.

Such a nice guy he even asked if I wanted any more series so he could buy them. Asked what kind of Iraqui trinkets I wanted so he could get them in Bagdad.

I guess there are nice guys out there.

Just went to Coles to buy me Pods (with Twix - Ingeniously crunchy) and a Fanta! And although when she asked me on the phone what I woul like I said "Anything, but I dont like Fanta" she mistook it for "I like" LOLOLOLOLOL

She then went to drop my baby brother off at my dad's and came back gave me a hug and sai "I dont like leaving you alone" gee..I wonder if she's sick?

Well, things are goo, after waking me up by yelling and saying horrible things yesterday, by the end of the fight she apologized and said she was proud of me for being able to control my anger although she has been a "nasty bitch" to me.

<3

I don't want anyone to pity me. I dont want anyone to tell me I need to do something about this because I KNOW I DO. This is just me venting.


Ok so, my uncle comes up to me the other day and says "I bet you your mum will have your dad back here in a month. They are just taking baby steps."

See my mum didn't have to tell me my dad was staying over Saturday night. I wouldn't have known! But no she comes to my room with a huge smile on her face and tells me. Then gets pissed off at me cos Im gonna cause problems.
Err hello earth to mum!

So today she barely looked at me.

What I dont understand is she found out stuff through my aunt yesterday and was saying how this was it and she's gonna move on and perhaps start dating other men and she shows up with him. "If you are gonna cause a scene Im just gonna go back to his place"

I cried. I couldn't believe she would do something like that.

Not only that, its breaking the law. He is not meant to come within 200m of this house unless accompanied by a police officer! "oh its only one night, who is gonna tell?" Someone like me perhaps. ugh

So today she asks "can I say something without you yelling and insulting me?"
Seriously. WTF! I dont yell or insult! At least not until AFTER she's followed me around the house saying what a terrible person I am!

Then she goes on to say she didn't come to ask for my permission and that the only reason dad doesn't come in on Sundays when he visits the kids its cos he doesn't want to see my face.

Seriously, all of this could have been avoided IF SHE HADN'T TOLD ME!

I dont feel safe with him around! And there she goes to say she doen't feel safe with me around and that I don't have to live at home and the only reason she hasn't kicked me out is cos she is a better person than me.

And it sucks to constantly be put down by your parents.

Well this week has been fantastic for me.

Not only did I have my operation (yes the anesthetic is wearing out and I am hurting but this time it is only temporary) I also got into TAFE!

Oh I am so happy I couldnt believe it!

Here I've been questioning the meaning of my life only to feel depressed cos I seem to have nothng to live for. Everything I do is because I have to for one reason or another. But this time oh this time I finally get to study what I want.

Ok not necessarily but it is a stepping stone for me as it'll help me get into design or Illustration.

Not to mention apparently Chisholm is trying to get a degree as part of their courses so if I finish this certificate 2 in Printing and Graphic Arts I can then move to certificates 3, 4 or even the diploma which all put together (by what I understood) turns into this degree.

Finally, good things are coming my way.

Also the mother and I are getting along better.

Too good to be true almost!

Job interview, which lasted less than 5 minutes because as soon as I said I was having surgery next week they said they couldn't wait for me to recover. Bastards. Didn't want the job anyways >_>

Not saying I don't want a job, but the Job ad said it was retail. I get there to find out it was Sales and marketing!! EEWW

Went to drop stuff off at my aunt's. She tried taking pictures of myself modelling her clothing to put up on catalogue. Nether camera could work.
And she's busy every other day and I was meant to meet matt at 12.30pm so didn't have time tow ait around.
Went to Chisholm. Got an interview to do Illustration and Graphic arts for Monday. YAY!
Didn't end up meeting up with Matt. Date changed to tomorrow.

Met up with Joker instead and had bubble cup at Dandy Plaza where I was repelled by all the school kids.

Came back home to be bombarded by my mum. At one point I was meant to help her take some matresses to the garage and she cracked it when I went to put a jumper on. "Err..seriously mum, its cold Im putting a jumper on, I never said I wasn't helping you" What ever not getting to me. I have to hang and unhang clothing still ugh.

So, my surgery is in a week and I am totally looking forward to it. I am so happy I finally get cut open and getting this horrid gallbladder and the two 2cm-in-diametre stones removed. FOR EVER! No more pain!!

And if all goes well, I'll be studying from next month onwards. Definitelly looking forward to that too!

Start!

This is eating me up.

I am not going to let it get to me.

From now on I'm seeing the postives and I am doing something about the negatives.

No more "oh I lead such a sad life pity me" blogs.

Its over. Only goodness from now on.

Where do I beggin? The begging I suppose.
Went to drop off my baby brother at my aunt's at 3pm. Since we didn't need to be there till 5pm for the birthday party we went to a shopping centre. We were so hungry we went to KFC to see if my little brother's friend was working there. And that he was.
We ordered: two popcorn chicken snack boxes, three small drinks and a nacho wrap snack thing. We got: as we ordered (drinks were large though) PLUS two large chips, one large popcorn chicken and a box full of chicken wings and drumsticks. All for about A$6. Thats the good part of this story.

Anyways, we go to my aunt's and everything is fine, no one has shown up (everyone was about 2 hours late) I spent most of my time talking to my cousin and then my mum comes to get me to listen to music.

See we got muso friends and for get-togethers they bring their instruments and we all sing and play and its just beautiful.
There was a guy with a Didgeridoo, the harmonica, a double bass, about three guitars and two flutes.

The fights started when I told my mum not to smoke. She said "its only one" I replied "thats your second or third" See she cracks the shits if I call her a lier, I didn't call her one this time at all, but she always lies!

Anyways, she likes being the centre of attention at these gatherings (as much as she denies it) so she does this thing where she stopms her feet like a little kid and starts going "p-p-plleeaaseeee play the one IIIII liiikkeeee" so I tell her to behave like an adult. That not even I do that. She's meant to be my mother you know? It was embarrassing, people looking at me like "is that YOUR mum doing that?"

Later on I get offered a glass of wine and she yells out (for everyone to hear-she seems to like people knowing that she's telling me off) how Im a disgusting alcoholic (or something along the line of that) yet everyone was drinking except for me!
And I said to her "I'll stop drinking when you stop smoking" she replies with the "I'll stop smoking when you quit drinking" "I dont drink mother this is ONE glass of wine, you on the other hand smoke. you quit I quit."
She didn't like it. She gave me the worst looks from then on.

At one point told me to shut up (ok to put my voice down) Although I was speaking softly while George was playing the guitar. I didn't understand what was up with her! I had had enough and stormed off. I just couldnt put up with her.

Waited to be picked up by a friend, drove back home to get changed and went to a party. They were all drinking and/or doing drugs. I felt so wrong just being there! I was the only sober person! I then had to wait for my friend to go pick up his girlfriend on the other side of town before being dropped off home! I was so tired I coocooned myself in my friends bed. (Where he fell off plenty of times! And we made fun of him cos he couldn't string out a sentence withought saying "like" or "umm")

Anyways, this morning mum storms in and kicks me out of home cos I was "humiliating her" and that I ether "hate" or "envy" her.. I wanted to laugh at the envy bit. There is nothing to envy about my mum.
So she says "if you don't hate me of envy me then you are one nasty bitch, get out of my house I dont want you here anymore"

So I have to put up with embarrassment and being put down in front of people but as soon as I say something I get kicked out.
Im so bloody tired of her. And trully I do want to leave and have my own place!
If I had the money, if I had a job I would have long gone and thats what they dont understand! They cant understand Im only here because I have no other choice!

NOW..now I definitely feel worthless.

Wow seriously! I am so apalled. I dont know what to say other than how furious I feel.

This is my conversation with a guy I've known for a while which surely, I shall NOT speak to again!


[Quin] says:
So what you been up to these days?
Leeroy says:
got a new job, full time job so yea enjoying a full time wage finally
[Quin] says:
lucky you.
Leeroy says:
yea :D want a loan? lol
[Quin] says:
Hahaaaa right and pay you back in installments?
Leeroy says:
lol no well u could pay me back other ways of course :P
[Quin] says:
You wish!
Leeroy says:
didnt think so lol although ud probly get paid well for ur favours now hahaha
but no i already know u wouldnt wanna be doing that as ive already offered it to u b4 lol
[Quin] says:
yeah cos I really look like a hooker and all right? ugh >_>
Leeroy says:
of course u dont! i explained last time that it wouldnt be like that anyway!
[Quin] says:
I would still feel like that!
Leeroy says:
yea i know, and if u would feel bad then so would i, i just knew u needed money... and i cant afford to just give it away lol... so considering ur exceptional sexual skills, i thought if u gave me that, then id help u out with money... just friends doing friends favours, thats all i was suggesting
[Quin] says:
*gasps*
Leeroy says:
certainly didnt want to make u feel like any kind of hooker thats for sure, cos ur not
[Quin] says:
No if you really wanted to be a friend you would just give me the money. Not ask for sex in return!
Leeroy says:
wouldnt u give somethin in return tho if YOU were a friend?
[Quin] says:
You arent the one in need!
Leeroy says:
i am always in sexual need lol :P
regardless, i never meant it to be any kind of hooker thing... i dont think of u like that honestly
[Quin] says:
Seriously, giving me money in return of sex?
Leeroy says:
i wouldnt be paying u for sex, well u might see it that way, but not in my mind i wouldnt be. u need money, so i would want to help u out with that.... i am addicted to sex, so u could possibly help me out with that... thats just helping each other out with different needs?
[Quin] says:
You have a girlfriend! Ask her for sex you douche!
Leeroy says:
i swear its an addiction tho i dont like being like this, but i always badly want sex! and we dont have sex anywhere near as often as id like and i like variety, she doesnt... its just frustrating
[Quin] says:
Well get a new one. But dont come asking me for sex SPECIALLY when you have a girlfriend!
Leeroy says:
yea, sorry

Un-fucking-believeable!!!

Oh lets see...Friday night began arguing with the mother because she wouldn't let me take my little brothers to the Zombie shuffle.
You know the whole "You treat me so badly surely you'll treat them badly too" SHe went on to tell my little brother that she doesn't trust me and that I'll probably ditch them in the city to fend for themselves. She is seriously retarded for even having the tought. I would never abandon my brothers.

She wakes me early Saturday morning to say I can take them. Because she is coming too, but I cant treat her badly. (I could have saved a WHOLE argument for later!) I proceded to say she wouldn't fit in the car.
Totally pissed off too cos I don't go treating her badly. She just really likes being a victim (my aunts totally agree with me on this) and she thinks I'm attacking her even when I am saying and/or doing something that has NOTHING to do with her!

After waiting for ever and having to put on make up on the kids, we got to the shuffle late cos of horrible road works (umm 40kph in the freeway WTF?!) and some stupid footy game in Richmond delayed me even more. Not fun with little kids in the back asking if we are there yet/how much longer to go.

The shuffle was excellent on that note.
We got to the Carlton Gardens and everyone had left. Found Shippi all alone and he hund with us until we found more fellow zombies.

Got home completely buggered. Being sick can really drain you and we did a hell of a lot of walking. Kudos to benji who did not complain as much as he usually does. Other wise I would have gone nuts. He looked adorable as a Zombie Hunter though.

Took an hour nap and got ready to take my uncle and my friend natacha (whom I havent seen in a while) to see Catwitch at the Espy. I must say I was bored and tired and sick. Did not enjoy it. At all. But was good to catch up with Tash.

Today more arguments with the mother. Basically I got up asking her to come to the trash an treasure with me. She goes on to say only if I dont treat her badly.
OK. Seriously, I do NOT! If Im in a bad mood she takes it as me attacking her. I had just woken up and asked her to come with me and she was attacking me!
"So much for mother's day/such a lovely mother's day I'm having" she goes on to say. I was then deserted by everyone. By that I mean my dad (who now has to do the whole child support/see the kids every Sunday etc) took the kids and my mum (who was dressed heaps nice-wtf?) out and since he hates me I wasn't invited. Not like I would go anyways.

Spent the rest of the day playing WoW as I do and lee FINALLY (due to being bed-ridden with illness) came to fix my computer which has been dead for 2 weeks.

Oh how good it feels to have my baby back. I no longer have to use a weird old laptop or fight with my brother to use the iMac.
*kisses monitor*

My only problem now is that my external hard drive will not connect properly and I can't access anything. Oh how it hurts.

I get to model at the Rockabilly Meltdown next weekened so looking forward to that. As for this week...I can only hope for peace.

Are amazing. I could have died and gone straight to Heaven..if it wasn't for that flaming hot iron stake in my heart.
It was nice of him to take me there, I only asked him to tell me how to get there but apparently he was going there himself.
I see him and my whole body gets butterflies.

He picked me up on thursday at about 1.30am, he looked so tired. He spent the night with me, his work is close to where Im staying. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but wow it was awkward. We basically slept as far away from each other without falling off the bed...and thanks to him I got really sick. Since he is so warm, I'd try get his body heat, but it got so hot I ended up taking most of my warm clothes off cos I was sweating so much, but then he'd move away and I'd freeze. Needless to say the change of temperature gave me the worst throat pains and nasty coughs.
In the morning I watched him eat cereal from Bam's cosy bed (you can see the kitchen from the bedroom) and there I thought I was over him..clearly not. Kinda sad if you ask me.

So after falling in love with many vintage pieces (which I couln't afford of course) we left. Mind you it was almost as amazing as it was horrible being there, I'd see pieces and I'd wanna share the moment with him but he seemed to be running away from me. I wish he didn't make it awkward, I dont make it awkward, Why cant he just spend the day with me like I was any of his other friends?
We then went to his place (I waited in the car) for him to get a pair of jeans, then he dropped me off here. I feel so lonely. I know he is working but still..would be nice to have some company.


Called my mum earlier, she sounds horrible. She hasn't gotten out of bed since Thursday. Makes me feel so sad, I've only seen things in my shoes. I think of how she should be happy but it is true you know..that it still is 23 years of marriage gone to shit. And I think of how she wanted to be a doctor (she had an enter score of 96 or something)
I think of how I want to move out but do I really want to abandon my little brothers in the state my mum is in? They missed out on school on Friday because she couldn't get up, does this mean they wont go to school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday or until when ever it is that I come back home?

Being here alone, has felt so amazing, yet so lonely. Maybe lonely because I know that both Carl and Xak are within reach, but at the same time not because they are too busy with girls that aren't me.

Amazing because there is no drama. But maybe I like my dysfunctional home? No I dont think there is anything to like, I think its more the fact that, that is where I have been raised and it is all I know.

And now, now there is a possibility for me to move out. A friend of mine has a spare room I can move into, but can I be as heartless as to abandon my family when they are at their worst?

So now I feel so torn because I do not now what to do.
I do know what I need to gain, but sometimes, it proves to be difficoult.

How does one reach for that beautiful crystal cup at the very top of the cupboard without a ladder?

FFAARRKKKKK WHERE DO I BEGIN?!
Ok so I am taking my vacation. I have to say Bamalam is my fairy godmother, I think I love her.

So yesterday was court. We got rid of my dad for 12 months, that is no contact what so ever unless he has a police officer babysitting him.

Mum is a wreck. "23 years of marriage gone to waste"
I told her she should be happy because now we do NOT have an abusive husband/father in our home, that she'll find her rightful husband soon enough.

Twas my citizenship ceremony last night also. My dad was there too, mum decided not to come because she didn't wanna see him. I though that was fair but I also reminded her that I was leaving right after the ceremony and needed to catch a certain train. Its like she didn't want me to come or something,
So I missed both trains I needed because of her and asked if I could be droopped off at the city as I would still have time then. She said no but she'll drop me off at our station when I got back because she was in "no condition to drive" she was too busy watching Dumbo.

I cracked. I had a complete meltdown right there, in front of my poor little brothers.
So my brother decides to butt in. He mocks me, calls me names and says
"she is getting divorced Dani 23 years gone down the drain"
To which I hissed in reply "23 years that she has put us through all the abuse because she only thought of herself! You have no right to say anything! You were NEVER touched where as I got beaten up over and over until I was 17!! Thats all I've known my whole life! He psychologically abuses her, he physically auses me and she goes back running to him! You dont know what that is like! Its all her fault this is happening."

The thing is, the only thing that was helping me cope with all the drama in my household all this time was the fact I was the fact that I'd be able to go away from it all for a few days. AND THEN! and then she goes calling the cops on me because Im being "violent" W.T.F?!

I was crying, I wanted to die. I called a friend see if he could pick me up since he was going to the city, but he couldn't and got another friend of ours to do so. Which I am so grateful for because I could not spend another minute there, Not to mention my aunt came and I heard them all speak about me like I was the villain. My brother said he wanted to beat me to the ground.

In the end I missed about 6 trains then finally got on the 12.05am one and got here bout 12.30am so nice of Carl to pick me up.

He spent the night with me, we slept as far away from each other without falling off the bed. Longest night, I couldn't sleep.
He is so warm I'd get really hot so I'd end up taking clothes off, Then he'd move away and I would get super cold. Awkward.
So now thanks to the change of temperature I am really sick.

If all goes well I'll be moving out shortly, the guy who picked me up last night has a spare room. Then I'll figure out from there, because I really cant stay in that house anymore.

I just pray for a job soon. It would make my life so much easier.

PS. Bamalam is amazing.

So apparently I am not just 10 times worse than my dad but I am able to kill someone because I am sooooo EVIILLL!

Seriously, my mum's head is in the toilet.
I called her a lier because once she said I was like my dad only to later that day say I wasn't because I am compassionate and have a good heart. Now she's saying Im 10 times worse.

And she cracked it!!
"NO IT IS NOT LYING BECAUSE I HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD. BUT HE REPENTS AND YOU DONT!"

Right, so he is abusive towards us and repents so she forgives him. Then he does it again.
I am sorry...isn't the whole repenting business meant to be an "I am sorry I am NOT DOING IT AGAIN" thing?

So like mentioned before I am now the common enemy. They hate me and they want me out. Lovely.

Well listen lady, the day you guys fight again, and you come running to me I will NOT open my doors for you. You are getting rid of me to keep HIM happy because he has never loved and/or wanted me. The day you fight and you realise I am not there for you like I have been every other time, you will regret it so bad you will realise your mistakes.

Or maybe you wont. Maybe you will be too damn proud.

Well. When I do leave, I am leaving for good. Somewhere I will not within your reach. And the day I am able to, I will take my little brothers with me to a place where they no longer have to see their dysfunctional parents tear each other apart anymore.

The parents are back together.
I am now the common enemy.

Basically I got kicked out of home. Apparently I am 10 times worse than my "dad".

They said he is willing to pay my first month of rent just as along as I get out.

Great.